I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
