vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
