I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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