you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
