Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
