Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
