I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
