I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
