Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
