I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
