People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
