i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
