she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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