Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
