We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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