Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
