apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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