It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
