Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
