I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
