I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
