These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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