we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
