Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
