the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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