i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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