Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
