He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
