How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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