I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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