ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
