That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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