You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
