I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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