Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
