I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
