Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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