It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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