Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
PANTIES FOUND
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