better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
