I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
