I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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