Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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