So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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