Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
