your thong is hanging out like whoa
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
