Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
