A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
