who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
