He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
