Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You can't motorboat a personality
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
