If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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