is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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