No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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