So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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