Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
