I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
