Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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