I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Come on in and take your pants off
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