Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
