he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
