so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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