Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
