So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
