Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
