DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
