I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
