just survived the first fart of the relationship.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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