i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
