would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
