I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
