and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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