Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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