just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
