I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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