everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
