yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
