When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
