i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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