Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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