This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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