I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Operation Purity has been aborted
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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