remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
