You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize