Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
