I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
