margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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