Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I die, sorry about rent.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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