You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sext me about skeletons
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
