apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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